ABSENTEE VALENTINE

This years Valentines Day marks the 6th one my youngest son has celebrated with his fiancee from behind prison walls. I had to quick re-do the math, recount the fingers, hard to believe that 6 years has already passed...at times the years seem to crawl and at others, generally once each is in the past, they seemed to have been gone in a flash. My son says so too.

Anyways...as always, and in great detail, Corey described to me the type and color of flowers and the very gift he wanted to surprised Sarena with to celebrate yet another Valentines Day, on this long journey. He was well pleased with what I came up with. But the best gift of all for both of them, was her being there with him, for 2 full days, having flown 1200 miles to do so.

12 1/2 years for a first time, non-violent offense...selling marijuana, an herb with medicinal properties that, as we speak, is under review in this very state, edging its way towards being a legal substance. Cigarettes and alcohol kill, yet they are legal substances. How are such things decided?

Some days I wonder just how we got to be so unforgiving as a society, so hellbent on punishment, voting in longer and tougher sentencing for even first time, non-violent offenders. And with a felony following you the rest of your life the road ahead, after reconciling with society, is long indeed, and unforgiving. With longer sentences, and mass imprisonment in this country (we are officially the worlds largest jailor, we imprison 7 times the Canadian inmate population, and I think three or four times that of the UK). Over the last two decades we've seen the emergence of private prisons for profit, turning the entire prison system into a mega industrial complex.

Living now in California there seems to me more prisons here than in any other state in the nation. As California struggles with bankruptcy, funding for schools and education falls away as well. With less education comes more crime, its a catch 22, and I don't see anything changing anytime soon. People have to wake up first.

I suspect by the time my son is released, in 2015, marijuana will be legal. The irony of that doesn't escape me. Don't mistake me, I was raised, and we raised my boys with the same basic understanding that we are a nation of laws, and the breaking of laws has consequences. But however well and fine that may be, sometimes youth combined with certain temptations proves too difficult to resist...and as harmless as marijuana may appear to be (I don't know of anyone who has committed a violent crime or crashed into anyone, killed anyone, while under it's influence) and however widespread its use, it is still illegal. My son was convinced he was doing no harm, he viewed himself as just another businessman, in a very lucrative business, not your everyday, street corner drug dealer. But one day, and at that over a year after he had ceased to sell it and returned to a "crime free" life, with a legitimate source of income, the Federal Govt came calling for their pound of flesh. My young son accepted full responsibility for his own actions (unlike his 2 co-defendants who spent less than a year in prison, interesting how that came about).... but the sentence....the devastating sentence. The plans, the dreams that would be put on hold for so, so long.

I still wrestle with that, though the years are passing quickly, more than anything now, as I look to the future, to his release, my concerns, my worries are mostly about what the hurdles will be, will he be able to overcome them, will he forge a good and happy life for himself, have the family he has always wanted, and now has waited for, for so long. There are no skills being taught in his prison, thankfully he continues to educate himself and has earned two associate degrees, and will continue to work towards earning his Bachelors degree....but will that be enough?...I worry about the world, the "state" of the world, he will return to, so much has changed since he left it all behind.

But thats not why I'm blogging today, suffice it to say, that has all been dealt with, amazingly (to us!) all our lives went on, albeit in a manner we'd never have imagined or dreamed. Having moved from 3 states away from the very beginning of his sentence, to be close to Corey, to continue to share our lives, hoping that regular and often occurring visits would offset the "institutionalization" that would be inevitable to some degree, we re-established our lives here in California, found peace, and new joys over time, and, even within the confines of the prison world, understand that this is just another journey, albeit one we we'd never have chosen.

This system has run amuck, reform is long overdue. So many families and inmates suffer under this oppressive and overly punitive system. As Anthony Kennedy once spoke at an ABA convention, above the prison door hangs a sign "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here". We need reform, not hopelessness, even President Bush stated we are a land of second chances. Are we, really?

For my son, for my family, for now, it is the daily living of our lives, being present in each moment, that we never take for granted. Not one single day...especially, not Valentines Day.

Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. ~Kay Knudsen