Friday with Corey

Inside the prison visitation room last friday I was at the machine that exchanges dollars for coins (the food vending machines mostly just take coins) when Corey came into the room. I was surprised when I saw him as he’d shaved his head, I hadn’t seen it like that since his early “prison days” in the Taft Low facility next door. Apparently he’d gone to the inmate barber and asked to have it cut short enough to get rid of all the gray he’s seeing in it….well to do this, apparently ALL of it had to come off.

I laugh and tease him when Corey worries about the amount of gray in his hair, I tell him his grandfather (on my side) was a “silver fox” by the time he was 30, but for my son, who was incarcerated in his mid 20’s and won’t be released until he’s 37, seeing the gray take over, and seeing more lines appear on his youthful face, reminds him of how long he’s been away from his life as-he- knew-it, from the life that awaits him down the road, the life that can’t come soon enough for him. He also acknowledges that though he has matured physically, on the outside (he’s lean, more fit than he’s ever been in his life, and his handsome face is more “chisled”) he understands in many ways he’s probably still a 26 year old inside…that “time“, emotionally and intellectually, was put on hold the moment of his arrest, and that when he walks out that door to release, he may not be ready to meet the expectations of society for his “chronological age”.

I understand what he is saying, and in some ways this will figure in his re-integration into society, but in so many ways my son has matured emotionally and intellectually far beyond what he realizes. In mph, he went from 0 to 100 in learning how to deal with fear, loss and with heartbreak. He’s learned “expectations” mostly lead to disappointment, he’s learned to be patient when control over every aspect of his life has been usurped, he’s learned to deal with stress beyond measure, he’s learned to deal with every possible personality type. He’s learned a new set of priorities, he’s learned what makes a real friend and what doesn’t, he’s learned life is short and turns on a dime and he won’t be taking anything for granted. These things he’s learned place him at the head of his class for his “real age/chronological age”, and though he wonders how he’ll fit in once again post-release, I have no doubt my wonderful, amazing-in-so-many-ways-son, will do much better than he expects when that day comes.

Never believe in mirrors or newspapers. ~Tom Stoppard