PRISON ETIQUETTE

This weekend we were having a new glass shower door enclosure installed so had agreed we’d instead visit Corey next weekend, with both a Saturday and a Sunday visit. But after getting an email from Corey on thursday that suggested he would welcome a Sunday visit if the installation went well, and if we found ourselves at loose ends Sunday, we decided to drive on over to spend the day with him.

When we arrived we were 10 minutes early, the sign at the prison states no visitors are allowed on the lot until 8 am, but depending on the guards on duty, often we, and other early risers, get there 10 or 15 minutes early and have been “allowed” to come on site. We HAVE been booted out a few times as late as 5 minutes till the hour, so there’s always a little anxiety as to whether you’ll be allowed to stay or forced to leave and return later, after the hour. That actually happened the weekend before last, when we visited Corey. We had pulled into the Camp parking lot just 8 minutes to the hour, we and another visitor who had arrived just prior to us, a pretty and always friendly Hispanic gal who drives up from LA. The Visitation Room guard had arrived and was getting his things out of his car, and signaled to his watch, shaking his head and directing us to leave, as he’d just done to her. As we made our way back out the mile long driveway to the main highway we passed two other cars coming in. Both were “regulars”, wives of inmates, one who drives down from San Francisco, another up from LA, in order to visit every week. We’d signaled to the first gal as we met her that we’d been turned around, but she and the visitor behind her continued on down, seeking to take their chances I suppose.

Rod and I then drove back and forth on the highway that passes the prison, just killing time, counting down the remaining minutes (!), as there is no other place to park that is close to the Camp entrance. When it was finally 8 on the hour we drove back down the mile long driveway, turned the corner into the Camp parking lot to discover 5 other vehicles parked, and the visitors all in line! The two cars (and 3 more) that had come in just as we, and the other visitor who’d been first to arrive , were leaving, had not been asked to leave. Seems the visitation room guard had already gone inside the building and didn’t see them, or didn’t feel like going back outside to boot them out. THIS is the frustrating part of dealing with prison rules. Rod and I, although we had arrived before these other visitors, then had to take a place further back in the line.

Well this is when Prison Etiquette comes into play. Those who are regular prison visitors know there exists a certain, unwritten, but "understood" etiquette involved, when it comes to visiting at a prison. Or they SHOULD know. We saw the first gal, the one who had been the first in the lot that morning, & been ordered to leave, HAD taken up her spot at the front of the line. She had just, apparently (!), marched up to the front of the line, standing in front of the others in line, declaring she’d been there before anyone and was taking her rightful spot! Ha! Good for her! The other two women, who had come in just after us, were there in line behind her but neither appeared willing to let us get in line in front of them, though they both clearly knew they should have offered. It was disappointing to see them ignore good manners and etiquette, it seemed petty. Often, in the past, over at Taft when confronted with this situation, we would always give way to anyone who had come before us, we all were very respecting of prison etiquette as we’d come to know it.

Now I realize, trust me, this probably seems petty to anyone on the outside, not having to deal with an issue like this on a regular basis, and believe me, over these years I've learned not to sweat the small stuff....but there are a few things, such as this, that do make me think "what the ??" when I encounter them. Because in this case, what this means is the further back in the wait line you are the less likely you are to secure your preferred seating area (if you have one, and most us ‘regulars’ do) AND the less likely you are to find a good assortment of edibles in the first come/first served vending machines inside. Preferred sandwiches, fruit, salads, etc, may well be gone by the time you are processed. Again, to those in the free world these are things you take for granted, and will view this as silly. I’m just hopeful none of you will ever have to take this journey and have to deal with small issues like this in addition to the much bigger issues of a loved one in prison. You see, to our loved one inside, waiting for these visits, they also look forward to favorite food selections, there are no vending machines with such "goodies" inside that they can access. To those who make the effort to rise extra early, make the long drives up, down, or over, in order to get to the prison early to secure a good spot in line (hopefully to be amongst the first 3 to 5 people….and some “groups” can be as large as 5 and 6 in themselves), it IS a big deal.

Other things that would appear on a list of “etiquette” for visitors, if one were ever to be posted, would be not allowing ones children to scream or run amuck in the visitation room (we understand how important it is to bring the children, and those of us not bringing children visitors are happy to see them there, but there is a limit to how loud we can or want to shout so OUR inmate can hear us and vice versa - and there IS a prison rule re parents responsibilities at visitation); not pulling or pushing your chairs around, making a loud scraping noise (always LIFT to move your chair!), respecting the privacy of other visitors and not taking up seating right next to them (especially if you have children or newborn babies) when there is other seating a little further away. These are among the most obvious and am sure there are others I’ve taken for granted so can’t think to actually list them. However, like in the REAL world, there will always be those that could use a class in etiquette, or just plain good manners. It would make everyones day just a little bit better.

“Treat people as you would like to be treated. Karma's only a bitch if you are.” ~Author Unknown