ONLY IN DREAMS

I used to dream a lot about the prison experience...especially the earlier years of this journey, when we often would be fighting the 'machine' and its injustices. When we hadn't yet become as accustomed to the unfairness and often bizarre goings on in this topsy turvy upside down world that exists outside, hidden behind the walls, in plain sight from the 'real' world. But more recently my "prison" dreams seemed to have receded into dormancy.

However at times they are awakened from their slumber, such was the case last nite, by some anxiety created by a 'real world' situation, inconsequential though it may seem but clearly with more depth to it than I like to give it.

Rod suffers from migraine headaches, has for so many years I can't count them. They are cyclical..he can go a year without one, then bam, they come upon him and he suffers acute pain with sometimes twice daily (sometmes more) of the punishing pain, which can last an hour at times. When they arrive, they will hang around for weeks, then suddenly, abruptly, be gone...until the next time. Well currently he is suffering through one of these bouts. As has been happening almost daily lately (well, mostly "nightly") I awoke mid of the nite (2:30 last night to be exact) to see the hall light on, and found my husband just recovering from one such severe headache, sipping tea and reading a book to relax him and hopefully allow him to get back to sleep. I returned to bed, and fell into dream-filled repose. I would call it a nightmare, except over these years the fear I used to feel upon awakening from such dreams has diminished... due to their at one time "regularity". As with most things one "adjusts".

Well last nites dream, I can only deduce, came about from the anxiety I was feeling about my husbands pain, as well as an email I'd received from my son earlier in the evening. It seems a buddy of his had been expecting a visit from his wife and mother that day (sunday) and they had never shown up. To make things worse, the prison phone system was down (as always seems to happen when this type of thing occurs, they call it Murphy's Law) so the poor man couldn't even call her to find out if she was alright, and ask what had happened. Corey asked if I would please call the mans wife and make sure she was ok, and email him back so his friend could stop the anxiety and worry he was suffering.

As wonderful as it is to have email in the prison system it is very slow...they must read all incoming and outgoing messages (security precautions) so basicaly it takes 2 hours from the time Corey sends me an email before I receive it in my Hotmail Inbox, and the same when I shoot an email off to him. After calling the mans wife, explaining who I was and why I was calling, and her telling me what had happened,it would be yet another 2 hrs before Corey's buddy would have his answers and be able to relax. IF that is, the email was processed and delivered to Corey's inbox before 'lights out'. Thankfully it was, I discovered this morning, and the man had been able to relax and get some sleep last nite.

But back to my dream...as I said, these two happenings must have been the catalyst for my dreams last nite.

I woke up after first one dream very early morning (probably 4 am 'ish'), then slid right back into a 'same scenario' dream, pretty much a 'continuation of' the first one, when I drifted off again. In the dream my son was in the SHU (otherwise known as the "hole", where prisoners who have been deemed guilty by the prisons kangaroo court system, of breaking prison rules, are sent as punishment). I was standing outside the cell (it had bars on the front in the dream, although none of the SHU cells Corey has been in have bars, just solid walls, & if lucky, a small window), but you know how dreams are. In the dream I was visiting with my son and was very worried about what was going to happen to him. The next thing I remember of this dream, I was in the prison parking lot next to a building and saw him sneaking across the yard to a box on a pole (very odd but NOT odd in my dream) where somehow I knew his personal property was located (the guards box up your personal property in your locker when you are sent to SHU, and you have no access to it, except after a few days - if lucky - and at that its limited to what you can have). I knew, in this dream, my son only wanted to get his books and some snacks, but was so scared he'd be seen and further punished, it was wide open out there and he was completely visible in that yard! I was terrified!

Suddenly I saw 4 cops (prison guards) riding up on little (I mean, seriously, they were toddler-sized!) skooters (only in dreams!) so I dropped to the pavement hoping I wouldn't be seen (apparently I wasn't supposed to be whereever I was) even though I was in plain site in this big empty parking lot!! They did see me of course, and I curled up and pretended to be asleep! (LOL!) I told them I had just been visiting, and was so tired that I guess I fell asleep in the parking lot! Well next thing I know I'm inside this big room and a woman 'cop' is showing me a bunk bed amidst boxes of stacked stuff (in a storage room of some sort) telling me this is where I can sleep if I get tired again. Ha!!! I know, pretty crazy...theres more, the dream went on causing me even more anxiety, but thats the gist of it. To be honest, I can't tell you how the dream ended...usually dreams don't just end like in a movie or book...after waking I could only recall so much of the dream, so i can't tell you if my son made it safely back to his SHU cell or not at this point. But I DO know in THIS reality he's ok, he's NOT in the SHU at all, as I got an email this morning where he was relieved to have gotten my response for his buddy, that Frank had been able to get a good nights sleep, and he, Corey, was off to his first RDAP class of the day. I haven't had a 'prison' dream for a while and after this I hope it will be quite awhile before another one manifests.

"Those who have compared our life to a dream were right.... We sleeping wake, and waking sleep." ~ Michel de Montaigne, Essays, 1580

FOG COUNT

Rod was unable to make this weekends visit, being away until the Sunday at a Linemans Rodeo in Kansas City. I decided to drive over to Lompoc alone and spend the day with my son, it had been a long time, many months now, since we’d had an opportunity to have a just “mom and Corey” visit, and both looked forward to it.

I was up at 4 am and out the door by 5:30, leaving my dark, oh so quiet cul de sac still sleeping. Even as I turned on Hwy 119 (Taft Hwy) there was very little traffic, and I settled in for the 2 1/2 hour drive, tuning my radio to my favorite country western station.

I arrived right at 8 am, and there were maybe 7 or 8 people in line in the Camp parking lot, so I took a place at the end of the line. It was cool (60 ish) and foggy, as always, mornings here at the Camp, but already the sun was starting to break through. The last two weekends Rod and I had visited the facility had delayed visitation until they had completed a “fog count”, an extra count of all the inmates they do in “incremental” weather like this. Why it is even necessary I don’t really understand, this is a “minimum security camp”, there are no walls or fences keeping the inmates confined within prison boundaries, it is easy enough for anyone to just simply walk away if they were so inclined, at almost any time, and not be even noticed until hours later on one of the regular counts. The ratio of guards to the men inside is probably 1 to 50 inmates at any given time. What prevents this from happening, or rarely happening, is the fact not only would one be charged with ‘escape’ and extra time added to the sentence once apprehended, but you would no longer be permitted to serve that time in a Camp setting, you would be transferred to a higher security prison. If you were never apprehended you had the rest of our life in “hiding” from the law to look forward to.

However I wasn’t concerned about delays this morning, afterall the sun was coming out and the fog dissipating, we all looked forward to the clear, warm, sunny day. I almost immediately embarked in conversation with a lovely women I’ve become friends with, she visits her husband every week, and a gentleman up from San Diego who came to visit his son. We talked politics (all of us are liberals) and prisons mostly, and it passed the time, that first half hour, until at 8:30 the guard, who had started to process (computer/paperwork) the first visitors in line, walked outside to speak with us. We are not allowed inside the building as we wait to be processed, must always stand outside on the sidewalk, which can be chilly and damp at best, but it is what it is. He proceeded to give us the news he’d just gotten “the call”…which we regulars know to be that of shutting down visitation. Indeed, they were going to do a “fog count” and we’d all have to leave and come back, according to the young guard, after the sun had come out and it was clear, at which time the count should be cleared as well. We all pointed to the now fully breaking sun, but he just shook his head, understanding our frustration, and patiently repeating we needed to leave and could come back in an hour.

Most of us sat in our cars and waited it out, a few left to get coffees or find a bathroom. Many would have driven hours to get here, coming from San Diego, LA, San Francisco, etc, or had flown into LA from elsewhere in the country and then made the 2 hr drive up from there. Probably had enjoyed some coffee on the way, and now this extra delay would make the wait extra “uncomfortable”. Anyways, we waited for the hour to pass and resumed our place in line, at which time the guard started processing again at 9:30 am. HOWEVER, within 10 minutes he again comes out to tell us he can only take another one or two before he has to stop processing for the 10 am Count, the regular count, taken every day at this time!! We all sighed a collective, and very loud, “SIGH!!”, many of us being more vocal with “you’ve GOT to be kidding! You JUST took a count!”.

The young guard just shrugged and went back inside. Happily, after he ‘d processed two more visitors he sent one out to tell the rest of us, in the now ever-growing line, that he wouldn’t stop processing, we wouldn’t have to leave. SO either he made this decision on his own, contrary to the “usual” rules re taking visitors during a ‘count’, or whether he got cleared to do so, is anyone’s guess, but we were grateful. This didn’t change the fact however, that our loved ones would now be delayed another hour in being allowed to come to the visitation, THEY had to wait until the count was cleared before they’d be allowed to leave the barracks. Sure enough, it was 11 am before Corey and a group of men, who have to be driven over from the RDAP camp, entered the building.

It is beginning to appear this will be the “norm”, as we go into winter, here at Lompoc, as every day, even summers, but more so in the fall and winter with the cooling temps and moderating ocean, the fog is simply a daily reality. I had to content myself with the remaining 4 hrs of visit we had left. Almost a full ‘work day’ by anyones standards (well, 7 hrs of it) had passed since I’d first arisen and began preparations for the days visit. It is what it is. Corey informed me that though it was just as foggy the following day, Sunday, they did not do a “fog count”. Seems its just luck of the draw, no doubt whichever day I had chosen to visit would have been “fog count” day!”

‘Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.’ ~ Jennifer Yane

Here we go again!

I find it tragic and unacceptable this is the type of
"economic opportunity” americans get “excited” about ...the jobs that await as America continues the forward momentum of its experiment in mass encarceration. Remember always, “if we build it they will come”. THEY being you and me ... our children, our grandchildren, neighbors and family members ...the minions they will require to fill these facilities to reap the profits they greedily salivate over. Instead of delegating the current (and growing) $37+ BILLION of taxpayer money a year towards Americas prisons, why not put that hard earned money towards restructuring, redefining the draconian Mandatory Minimums and the Sentencing Guidelines…shorten the torturously long prison sentence lengths for nonviolent crimes, and instead put that money that assures the growth of this broken system, a system that does nothing to make society safer, rather perpetuates the cycle of failure and the revolving prison doors, towards actually MAKING or rebuilding something of value to an enlightened society ... such as our crumbling infrastructure (which would also create millions of jobs) or our failing schools and education system. But as I often find myself thinking when I read of such issues, "it is what it is", for I can see things will remain as they are for a long time to come, if the article below is any indication.

WTHITV.COM Thomson eager to push forward after prison sale
Updated: Sunday, 07 Oct 2012, 12:33 PM EDT
Published : Sunday, 07 Oct 2012, 12:33 PM EDT

THOMSON, Ill. (AP) — Residents of a small northwest Illinois village say they're eager for economic opportunities after the sale of a prison to the federal government.
The Chicago-Sun Times reports (bit.ly/Q4szWW) that the sale of Thomson Correctional Center could bring up to 1,600 inmates and just as many jobs to struggling Thomson where fewer than 600 people reside.
The U.S. Bureau of Prisons will pay $165 million for the facility and convert it into a maximum security prison estimated to generate about $200 million annually in economic activity. Thomson was built in the 1990s but never fully opened due to state budget shortfalls.
Some Republicans have blasted the sale saying it could "set in motion" a plan to house suspected terrorists.
Democrats rebuked those claims saying that treaties bar such action.

"I think we risk becoming the best informed society that has ever died of ignorance." ~Reuben Blades