Our Last Christmas in Prison

Christmas Day, 2012, and Rod and I were up early to make the drive to Lompoc Camp where we would spend the day with Corey. This Christmas was especially significant to the three of us because it would be the last Christmas we’ll celebrate in a prison visitation room.

We made the 2 1/2 hr drive and arrived at the prison close to 8 am, and were happy to see we would be the first visitors in line. As 'seasoned' visitor veterans, we've long ago learned, and here at Lompoc even more so, it is always best to be among the first visitors processed, for two reasons: 1) better food selections from the vending machines, the more limited and 'preferred' items go quickly, and 2) like many 'regular' visitors, we have our preferred seating area, one we have experienced as not being as noisy with background chatter, crying babies and shrieking children (not to begrudge them the happiness they feel being with their daddys!) as are other areas in the more central seating areas. These 'choice' seating areas are limited, and also look out large windows to views! Imagine! Definitely not something we we were ever treated to in Coreys previous prison.

After standing outside in the cold, damp morning air, clutching our coats and scarves about us and chatting with other visitors, exchanging greetings and well wishes, on this Christmas Day, we were finally 'processed' and selected our seating. Rod and I were were both somewhat disappointed to not see a single shred of decoration. One would never know it was the most special holiday of the year. Justice Anthony Kennedy's quote came back to haunt me ...the one about extinguishing all hope, yee who enter these prison gates...For the past 8 Christmases that we had spent at the Taft Federal Prison, there had always been a large decorated Christmas tree, holiday décor on the walls and columns, even a volunteer inmate dressed as Santa who would make the rounds handing out candy to the children in attendance. However, it must be said (and was, by Roy L Smith) “He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.”

The inmates holiday meal was being served at noon, it being fried chicken and the men were looking forward to it. Turkey had been served for the Thanksgiving holiday meal, so no one was expecting the same again so soon. As Corey would miss the meal, being in visitation, brown bagged lunches were handed out to the men as they finished up their visits and headed back to their units. Their ‘holiday’ meal would be a bologna and cheese sandwich and some cookies. We ourselves couldn’t complain, thankfully we are among the fortunate who can afford to purchase whatever we wish from the vending machines, for us the holiday meal we shared with our son consisted of whatever we chose to select from the vending machines filled with assorted processed burgers, pizza, sodas, coffee and assorted candy bars. We ate our fill as we chatted the day away, enjoying each others company, fantasizing over what our NEXT Christmas meal would be. Best of all was knowing neither Corey, nor us, would be spending another Christmas at this prison, not at any prison.

We had a splendid day, just being together, sharing our stories. We spend a lot of our first hours hearing about the classes our son has attended all week, it’s another way for him to not only re-process the information he has studied and practiced all week, but to bring us into the loop, make us part of the process he is undergoing. We all appreciate the opportunity we have to do that with our frequent, weekly visits. The program as conducted at Lompoc is intensive, extensive, and often stressful, and I believe sharing his thoughts with us lifts some of the residual stress from the week. Corey has now completed the 3rd of the 5 Module program. The time is passing quickly and with only two more modules, each 8 weeks long, he’s on target to complete the program by the end of April.

And now, as this holiday season comes to a close, I know it will be with even greater joy when, next Christmas, I will be describing our holiday celebrations far removed from a prison visitation room!

What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace. ~ Agnes M. Pahro

Musings on a winter morning....

We made our twice yearly return to our cabin in Washington State late last month. As always we were excited and anxiously looking forward to the trip, its always an enjoyable scenic drive and we always enjoy our time spent in our quiet, remote cabin, a far cry from the busy city life we have here in southern California. It’s a time to relax and reflect, removed from the distractions of a crazy busy world.

As I sit to write this morning I feel somewhat introspective, finding myself thinking about how ones perspective changes with time and with experience, with the living of life. Perhaps this is because of the ‘season’ that is currently upon us, and the nearing of the end of yet another year.

Once the little community we would be returning to, albeit briefly, was “‘home” and all that word connotes. It was a small and safe community where we lived our adult lives, raised our children, where we expected no doubt to live out our retirement, those expectant sunny, golden years. Looking back I see we saw and experienced life, our lives, so differently than we do now. Small towns can be so insulating and limiting. Though we only moved 3 States away, it has almost been as though we moved worlds away…our experiences and outlooks have changed and grown, much as a childs does as he grows into adulthood.

As difficult as it was, after being literally torn from the very fabric of that life, suddenly, unexpectedly and unprepared for the challenges, struggles and certain pain ahead, I can honestly say neither Rod nor I regret making the life changing decisions we ultimately made. That of uprooting, ending our lives as we knew them, to be with our son in his darkest hours, and to support and share the journey that lay ahead in every possible way. We have never regretted that decision, in fact still feel immense relief that we did make that choice! Over these last going on 9 years now, stronger, tougher, yet more, shall I say “gentle” layers have been added to who we were then, and funny as it sounds, to me anyways, we both feel more cosmopolitan than we ever would have imagined ourselves. Not in the way of world travelers, as we’ve never been that, but more in the way of ‘life’ travellers. And “cosmopolitan” in some ways, thanks to the many, many interesting and wonderful people, the families, and some new friends we have made in the prison visiting rooms, those from throughout the country, with whom we have shared, and continue to share, this journey. Navigating the twists and turns, the unrealities AND the realities, the topsy turvy world, an entire ecosystem unto itself really, of the US Prison System, has been at best ‘interesting’ and at its worst, dark and frightening. With it came pain that we could never have imagined, but a greater depth and understanding of the fragility of this life, the humility, yet the honor and the joys in it. For how can one truly appreciate joy if one has not experienced its counter. My mother often used to say to me, as a child when I dealt with a difficult situation, "this too shall pass"... and I learned it always did. The emptiness left by the passing pain of the early years into this journey has been filled to the brim with feelings of gratitude, and with appreciation for all that we are, all that we have and hold dear. That which we discovered could never be taken from us.

And so, as we near the end to yet another year I find myself more optomistic and looking forward in ways I haven’t experienced in some time. I admit to some anxiety and concern for what lies ahead for my son as he returns to a world so very changed since the 10 years he left it, and the many challenges he will face upon re-entry. The continued growth of the US prison system depends on failure upon release to sustain this experiment in mass encarceration, to continue to profit and grow the very industrial complex it has become. However, still I feel renewed optimism and hope at all that IS possible as we move into the next chapter.

"You don't want to get to the end of life's journey and discover you never left the interstate." ~ Robert Brault

Behavior Modification

Corey is now almost through the third of five modules (akin to ‘semesters’) of the RDAP (Residential Drug and Alcohol Program). He can’t say it’s been, or will ever be, easy. As he makes his way through the various classes in the program much is expected of him, and I have to say I myself had no idea it would be as inclusive and as intense as it is. However, the intensity of the program itself seems to vary, depending on in what prison you take it, I’ve heard from other friends (men Corey had met and come to know mostly in Taft) who were assigned to take the program in Terminal Island, Ca, or in Sheridan, Oregon, for instance, who said they ‘breezed’ thru it, little was expected of them except to be present, and go through the motions, take the required classes until completion. Until Lompoc, I’d never heard of anyone who was making their way through the program being “recycled”, let alone kicked out of the program entirely except maybe for some serious infraction, some serious breaking of the prison rules.

At the very onset of the Program each man is assigned a “One to One” DTS (“Drug Training Specialist”) who he reports to for the entire length of the program, till completion. It is this DTS that pretty much holds the power to allow the inmate to progress through each stage of the program or to either recyle him (send him back to an earlier module, thus lengthening the entire program) or to kick him out entirely, wherefore he would lose the one year off his sentence all inmates who graduate the program earn.

However aside from the programming itself, it seems it is common practice, even “expected” that about 20% or more of the men in Lompoc’s program will regularly be ‘recycled’ back to earlier modules to retake them before progressing on to the next level, OR be terminated from the program entirely. Knowing this is always a possibility adds in itself quite a bit of anxiety and stress, especially as, although one hopes the instructors are all trained ‘specialists’ and ‘professionals’, this is after all the BOP, and we’ve come to learn things aren’t always what one would expect, especially in staff positions that ‘imply’ some degree of previous education or training. We had for example, learned how one of the “Counselors” at the Taft prison had gotten her position…a previous Kmart clerk, she saw the ad in the paper, applied and was hired! No previous college education or training in counseling or anything of that nature was apparently required to fill this position of power and control over an inmates daily life.

In this case, in the Lompoc RDAP, we’ve come to see, as often is the case, & 'expected' to some degree, personalities and human frailties often enter into the methods employed and appraisal processes utilized by the various instructors. It seems to me in one particular class, Coreys “group”, the 30 or so men he is making his way through the program with, can’t do anything right, according to their instructor. They seem damned if they do, and damned if they don’t. However much most prepare, do their assigned work (journal entries, studying the texts, attending every and any meeting offered, working closely amongst themselves to assist the group as a whole to move forward, be successful individually and as a group) they are constantly insulted and treated as mindless nitwits, some are told they need to speak up more, play a more active role in the class if they are to progress through it, yet when they do they are belittled or humiliated. Far be it for me to know if this is intentional, if there is a ‘method to the madness’, but after weeks and months of this ‘instructional format’ It’s no wonder some of the men’s spirits ‘break’ and they willingly opt out of the Program! Perhaps its this instructors intentions to use the sharp stick Dan Rather spoke of when he stated “The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you to the next plateau, sometimes poking you with a sharp stick called "truth." Except it would appear this DTS has forgone the more gentle tugging and pushing?

In our visits and communications with Corey we’ve come to see that each DTS at Lompoc has, of course, his own personality and his own particular method of “instructing”, or leading the men through their classes and various daily meetings. Some encourage the men to dig deep and find the source of their ‘addictive’ personalities, while others seem to feel belittling and insulting the men at every turn (like a drill sergeant in the military) is the best method. Completely break down the existing behavior perhaps in order to rebuild it from scratch…behavior “modification” if you will, which, according to my reading, is what the RDAP is based on. It comes across as a ‘good cop/bad cop” scenario.

THAT being said, all that withstanding, Rod and I, and Corey, see much of value in this Program. Through his studies and his introspection, Corey has come a long way towards understanding some of his own particular personality traits, how and why he has reacted and made some of the poorer decisions in his past. He has learned the difference between reaction and action, he has become much more thoughtful. Listening to him speak of what he has studied and learned has effected Rod and I as well, and we in turn have second hand benefit of the instruction and its benefits. We’ve come to see this is, at its core, a program everyone could benefit from, not just inmates and those with addictive personalities, and it really is unfortunate something like it is not taught in our schools, before we are all unleashed on the world. I really do see how this program can be life changing, how it can prepare these men for a more successful re-entry into society and a happier, more fulfilling future. However, I still have to say, I don’t believe personally that the pervasive negativity and brutish methods utilized by a few instructors is warranted, or does anything towards improving, changing in a positive way, a persons behavior. “Modifying” it? Sure, but in the way expected or hoped for? I’m not so sure.

“A teacher who is attempting to teach without inspiring the pupil with a desire to learn is hammering on cold iron.” ~Horace Mann

Then, as now….

In 1863 Lincoln said: "The money power preys upon the nation in times of peace and conspires against it in times of adversity. It is more despotic than monarchy, more insolent than autocracy, more selfish than bureaucracy."

"I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country. Corporations have been enthroned, an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until the wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed," Lincoln said.

*I came across this quote of Lincolns while looking for a few good biographies of the man. It really is rather profound. History does repeat itself, how quickly we forget and repeat the same mistakes over and over again.