POST PRISON UPDATE

I’ve written little this past while about Coreys continued journey post release. Mostly because the ‘worst’ is now behind him, us, or so we can hope, and going pretty smoothly, more so than we expected it would. He continues to enjoy his job, his budding new romance/relationship has evolved into something bigger, a loving, sharing, partnership, and they are having such fun discovering each other and making plans for their future. No drama, no one expecting he fix their issues or problems, just a complete acceptance, respect of and sharing of responsibilities by both. I am delighted for him, and bask in the pleasure of watching him moving forward, creating a new life for himself.

From what interaction Corey has had with his Parole Officer, it appears the man is fair and not overly, oppressively ‘demanding’ as we’ve heard many can be. Sure there are the forms and disclosures, and random visits, all expected, but Corey says he feels no oppression or anxiety, but then again, there is no reason he should, he is living his life openly and transparently, and as a law abiding citizen who has paid for the mistakes of his wild and crazy youth and deserves the chance to move on. The lengthy punishment he received for choices he made as a “twenty-something” could have either turned him into a career criminal (as it does for far too many, the 'revolving' door into prison we all read about)considering the obstacles put in ex felons path upon release, as well as too many years living in a prison culture, apart from the ‘real’ world), OR it was a factor in his choosing a more ‘societal and law abiding path going forward. I for one totally believe Corey is not the ‘norm’, from our experience on this prison journey with him. He is succeeding DESPITE the lengthy sentence he served.

Our sentences for non violent offenders ARE far too long, and the odds are against them returning to the world adjusted, undamaged by all they have experienced. The loss of everything they knew, their friends, for many their families, their submersion into a netherworld where one has no control over the smallest aspects of ones daily life, is far beyond what most citizens know awaits those they condemn to america’s prisons. Going in, one HAS to have, or must soon cultivate, strength of character, and the will to survive and succeed despite the odds. Having continued family or other support (emotionally as well as financially)can be a huge determining factor on how a man lives in and how he leaves prison. With a lengthy sentence one must, early on, with or without support, formulate and visualize the path he wishes to take once out and stay focused to that end, living one day at a time, never forgetting release WILL come and one must be ready for it with a plan to succeed. Or else one can easily lose hope, embrace and get lost in the prison culture and let it lead him and his choices upon release. I am not an expert, I speak only from benefit of the ten years I shared in my sons encarceration process, our daily exchanges and weekly, unfailing visits, and from the experiences of men he shared his life with on the inside.

Corey remained well adjusted throughout his lengthy sentence, always refusing to become a victim, never blaming anyone/anything else for the choices he made, taking full responsibility, and always knowing he could and would make a good life for himself once back in the world. His inner light may have dimmed at those inevitable times he felt helplessness, hopelessness, over the decade of his encarceration, but he stayed focused and emerged with his dignity, his strength of character, his wit, his humor, his belief in the goodness of people and life in general intact. I myself, to my failing perhaps, can't conjur up the full 'acceptance' or attitude my son has, in not blaming or feeling anger towards a system of justice no longer 'just' in America today. It is without doubt a Prison Industrial Complex, a business, that profits the few through the suffering of the many. It is by design there is a 'revolving' door, where upon release so many demands and disencfranchisements are met as to lessen anyones chances to move beyond, stay out of, prison. Many of the very 'best' of us couldn't succeed with the obstacles we place in the path of the released men and women we imprison. How much longer will we condone such a system?

For now, one thing that helps me manage my anger at such a system is the knowing I CAN attain the serenity to accept the things I CANNOT change, I CAN use the courage I have to change the things I CAN, & that I will have the wisdom to know the difference.

"He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts." ~Samuel Johnson